Monday, May 2, 2011

You've got to be kidding

I have a teenage daughter - barely. She's thirteen so she's still perfecting her eye-roll, her silent treatment and her look of icy disdain.

I am a wonderful mother when she wants a ride, money or new clothes. Our most frequent coversation goes something like this...

"MOM, I need a new phone!"
"The one you have works just fine," I say.
"Beggars can't be choosers." (Guess who pays her cell-phone bill?)
"Seriously Mom. It doesn't work. It takes forever to send a text."
"Boo Hoo."

Do you see a pattern forming?

Last night, a war raged through my house. My daughters sabotaged each other's drinks, argued over the computer, the television, whose turn it was to feed the hungry dog and even the color of the sky.

Finally in a sneak maveuver, the ten year-old threw a glass of cold water on her sister in the shower. Screams! Accusations! MOOOOMMMM!!!!! And a broken glass all over the bathroom floor.

I fetched the broom and dustpan and began sweeping up. BUUUZZZ!

Aha, thirteen year-old had left her cell phone on the window sill. I opened my mouth to tell her steam and electronics don't mix and then... wait for it... a dripping wet hand reached out of the shower, grabbed the phone and disappeared. I heard the tap of keys as she returned a text.

I sat on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass, and tried to find something appropriate to say. "WTF" seemed a little strong given my audience. I settled for, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Texting," she said over the sound of running water.

"In the shower?"

"I do it all the time."

What can you say to that? Really?

I wonder, as a new writer, have I been guilty of texting in the shower? Have I done something so unbelievably dizzy I leave people around me speechless?

After draining the hot water tank, teenage daughter approached me and said, "My phone's not working."

A hundred snappy comebacks zipped through my mind. Because I love her, I went with advice. "Put it in a bowl, cover it with rice and don't shower with it again."

Hopefully I built up some karma in case I ever inadvertently shower with my phone.